So, I Guess I Sort Of Hate Teenagers

I would like to preface this post with the fact that I am VERY well aware of how old and cranky one sounds when they make the statement, "I hate teenagers."

And you know what? I am so ok with that. Because teenagers suck. They really do.

Sure, there are some good ones out there, but they are rare and you know it. For the most part, they're sort of all assholes.

This realization came to me over the weekend when the hubs and I went to an amusement park with some friends. The actual amusement park part of the day was fine. Sure, there were some unchaperoned teens but the other adults and families there buffered them pretty well.

And then it got dark.

And the regular ol' park turned haunted. Scary mazes, haunted houses, 97 fog machines. The families started to leave and the hordes of teens entered.

Didn't you know? Teens hunt at night. And in packs.

Their parents dropped them off at the gate and squealed their tires to get the eff away from them for a few non-dramatic hours of quiet.

As the night progressed, the hordes grew. And grew. And judging by the hoodies the teen girls were wearing (that you KNOW they stole from some poor random hormonal boy) they came from all over the metro area.

The glow from the black lights became dulled by the glow of their cell phone screens. Over the sound of howls and moans you heard the hum of, "Oh - Em -Gee! She did NOT!?" And, "This is only a temporary phone, I'm getting a way better one next month, I swear." And, "I'm going to drink SO much Mountain Dew tonight!" And, "This is like, so scary but seriously, your leggings are HOT!"

Oh yeah, and WTF girls!? Your parents never informed you that leggings are not pants? Cover that ass!

The boys weren't much better. Who walks past a line of people trying to check them all in the shoulder?! Who does that!? Shitty teen boys, that's who. You know who checks the little shits back? My husband. I was proud.

By the time we were in line at the final haunted house we realized we were grossly outnumbered. There were teens all around us. It was getting dangerous. Not for us, but for them. Eventually one of us four was going to snap and one of those teens was going to cry all her mascara right off and onto her Hollister shirt. It was going to be bad.

We made our way to the gates and through the long line of parental mini-vans and SUVs dreading the return of their son or daughter and all of his or her besties.

Yes, we were all teens at one point. And we all know it is a difficult and unsure time. And yes, there are really good teens out there. You know them, the ones that are aware of a life outside of their cell phone and are caring and have manners and know when to shut the eff up. Sadly, those are not the ones that stick in your brain and make an impact for all teen-kind.

New parental goal: I'm no longer worried about raising my child to be a great adult, I want to raise him to be a non-obnoxious teenager. And not only that, I also want him to be able to recognize what makes people anti-teens.

I figure if we can do that, he's set for life.